Ending all Your Worries

It’s difficult not to worry when you are surrounded by people who always seem to err on the side of pessimism. It’s hard not to worry when the media so often seems to delight in speculative futures that are not bright. It’s almost impossible not to worry after years of ‘worry training’ by parents whose conversations were filled with their…worries!

But it’s good to worry isn’t it? What would life be like without a good worry? Worry is one of those habits that are usually learned at an early age from parents who learned from their parents. This is why ‘worry lines’ are seen, read and heard. Someone with a well creased forehead can usually be heard repeating their ‘worry mantras’, “I was worried sick….THEY are such a worry… we need to worry about this!”  The opinionated journalist will often attempt to keep the readers attention with a worry or three! Some of the healthiest people, sometimes known as the ‘worried well’, will spend time vigilantly watching for slightest pain so that they may confirm their worries about their future health. The ‘happy worriers’ on the other hand just can’t imagine life without a good worry and they are always pleased to find someone who share their worries so they can  have a good ‘worry conversation’. And then there are the ‘caring worriers’ who are under the illusion that worrying about someone is the way to demonstrate that you care!

Seldom do we sit and reflect on the futility of imagining a dark future and then using the images to frighten ourselves. For that is what worry is, pure fantasy of a pending catastrophe. While we now waste huge amounts of energy as it escapes into our fast heating environment, worry is probably the greatest waste of our mental energy that we release into the atmosphere of our consciousness. It seems very few of us realise that whenever we worry about anything it’s as if we are inviting Hollywood into our heads and we create, direct and star in a story about the worst that could happen. In so doing we make it more likely to happen.

Not only do many of us worry our way through life but the tension and anxiety that emanates from the centre of all our worries becomes addictive. Instead of giving thanks for our blessings each day, it’s as if some people give thanks for their daily worries! When it’s suggested that it may not be a positive use of time and energy, the worry addict will say, “But it’s good to worry. It’s necessary to worry, so that we can prepare for the worst”. They can’t quite see how their ‘belief’ that worry is a good preparation for the worst is blinding them to the ‘truth’, that all worry is simply miscreation. It is to misuse the ‘creative capacity’ of our consciousness. Some even base their personal identity on a ‘worry profile’. “Yes I am a worrier, I have always been a worrier, I guess I must have inherited it from my parents, it’s probably in my genes”! Not true. Worry is just another learned mental habit. It can be unlearned.

Perhaps one of the most popular emotional confusions is that worry equals care. But worry can never be care. Worry is fear and care is love, and they are polar opposites. When we mistakenly learn that worry equals care, and that it’s therefore good to worry, we spend the rest of our life worrying, and when we have nothing to worry about we get worried. And if we don’t express our worries to others we worry that they might think that we don’t care!

Not only is worry a form of fanaticised catastrophising but it means we are using memories of yesterdays disasters to create and project our imagined fears into the future.   As we do we sometimes attempt to justify our worry by calling it ‘a concern’. But worry is not concern. Being concerned about how things may unfold between here and the future is often essential to anticipate the possibility of things not going to plan. But the anticipation of possibility is not worry. Worry is the habit that paralyses our capacity to see into and anticipate the future with any clarity. It blurs and weakens our ability to envision a positive and beneficial future. And it constricts our ability to be genuinely concerned about others in the here and now. The incessant worrier lives in a dark tomorrow, an imagined future that promises to be an unhappy place and as they do they miss their life today. Worry is a form of absence.

So how can we break this insidious mental habit? Here are some ways to bring about a well earned rest from your worries:

Seven Ways to Stop Worrying and Be Happier

1 Challenge the story

If you worry hard enough then what you fear is likely to come about. But probably less that 5% of our worries actually come true because it’s essentially ‘weak thinking’. Whenever you notice your worry habit generating worry thoughts repeat this little phrase to your self to break the mental pattern and refocus – ‘this story may never happen’.

2 Transforming the darkness of worry into the light of opportunity

Let’s say you worry that you are going to lose your job. Let’s say all the evidence points towards your future being freed up! Take a moment to visualise what you would do next. What would be the next step, the step beyond the job you do now? See yourself taking that step with ease while enjoying and learning from the transition to a new chapter in your life.

3 Have a bonfire

When we exercise we burn fat and our body becomes lighter. Similarly if you take time to exercise positive thinking it will burn up our worries and you will feel lighter. Start by writing down all your worries on a blank sheet and then have a ‘sacrificial fire ceremony’ as you send you’re your worries up in smoke.

4 Stop paying interest on a debt that you have not yet incurred

Watch how your worrying is draining you. The thoughts are sucking away your life energy. It’s like a debt collector calling to collect on a debt that you do not have. Stop paying of a non-existent debt. 

5 Practice authentic care

Remind yourself that worry is not care and then ask yourself what would real care look like. To worry is to generate fear. Worry is fear, it cannot be care, because fear is not love, and true care is love in action. With this understanding in mind visualise what real care would look like. Instead of sending fearful negative thoughts to the object of your worry, send empowering and loving thoughts. 


6. Substitute the catastrophic with the anastrophic
Worry is a fantasy of a catastrophe. It is an addiction to catastrophising. So practice the positive opposite, which is anastrophising! Sing to yourself every day the line from that the optimists song, “I always look on the bright side of life”. And if you don’t know the melody… create one!

7 Be honest with yourself and admit that worry is a selfish emotion

And then ‘do something’ truly selfless in the context of what or who you are worrying about.

What are the three things that you worry about most? Which of the above seven ways might help you to break each of your three worry habits?

 Reflect on that worry is a way of escaping into the future in order to avoid the present moment. What do you think you might be avoiding? Sit quietly and reflect and see what your intuition says to you.

Make a mental note to not join in any ‘worry conversations’ this week at work or at home. 

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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Spiritual Life Coaching School