The Power of Words

 
Dragon Ka-Tet responded to my blog called 'Love Love Love' with the following question.  I thought it was a great question, and my response was getting a bit long and so I decided to answer here.  I hope that is ok, dragon Ka-tet?
You mentioned that you would have probably answered the question-naire differently in the past. Do you think that aside from learning a new 'love language' that people also possibly change their basic languages? In other words, do you think that as people grow in life (and love) that they shift the "main" language they use or is it more ingrained in their personalities than that?

Yes, I do think people change their languages as they grow.  Some knowledge requires learning new jargon in order to put concepts into words, and so these new words get adopted into the 'native' language. 

But also just a shift in vocabulary occurs as we change our thinking patterns.  My choice of words is a lot more positive than in the past.  Now, if I say something really negative (due to habit) it sounds really awkward! 

Just as words change when our thoughts change, one can also change how they think by changing their words!  Positive affirmations work this way  - if you positively state something, that you don't really believe, often enough, you will begin to believe it.  Words become a powerful tool to change our thought habits. 

For example, when my daughter was born, one tip I received was to not use the word 'don't'.  Children don't hear 'don't', they only hear what comes after it.  So if I say, 'Don't run into the road,' she's more likely to run into the road than not.  If I replace that with 'Stay on the sidewalk,' she's more likely to stay out of the road. 

This shift in language (which was not easy!) did not just create better communication with my daughter, but if made me view the situations differently.  Instead of thinking, 'My daughter is doing something wrong and needs correction,' I learned to think, 'My daughter needs guidance to more appropriate action.'  It's a subtle difference, but has a big impact.  

The shift in language was difficult because my thoughts had not yet made the shift.  But with some applied effort, and attention to the language I used around my daughter, I was eventually able to make that shift so that thoughts matched words.

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Roass Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spirituual Life Coaching School