Who’s Listening? - Actively Listening?

This morning during meditation, it occurred to me that how we listen to others determines how much sorrow we take.  It can also lead to miscommunication.

Take for example if someone said to me, 'You should let your daughter eat meat,' I could take this in several ways depending what filter I use:

1.  If I'm listening as a Mum, I might think, 'This person should mind

     their own business and let me raise my child as I see fit.'

2.  If I'm listening as a vegetarian, I might think, 'This person is stuck in

     the belief that meat is necessary in a child's diet.'

3.  If I'm listening as someone who thinks they know everything, I

     might think, 'This person is an idiot.'

4.  If I'm listening as an animal rights activist, I might think that I

     should take down this person's address so I can use their house for

     paint ball target practice.
Likewise, the filter can be my preconceived ideas about the person speaking the statement.  For example:

1.  If my brother were to say this, I might think, 'He's just winding me

     up.  And it's working.'

2.  If my mother were to say this, I might think, 'Wow, she doesn't

     usually tell me what to do.  She must feel really strongly about this.'

3.  If my husband were to say this, I might think, 'Yeah, I know, I heard

     you the first 400 times.'

4.  If another vegetarian were to say this, I might think, 'Um, this is

     weird.  Is this a dream?'  And I might freak out a little.

The problem is, these filters get in the way of proper communication.  We don't bother to ask why the person said what they did, we just assume we know why and then react to it, oftentimes badly. 

If I drop the filters and I listen without preconceptions, then I would think: 'This person has an opinion, strong enough to state it.  I should consider it, perhaps ask more about it, and then take the best action once I've considered the options.'

In this way, communication works.  Messages get delivered.  No sorrow is exchanged, just honest feedback and comment.

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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School