Was it Love or was it Fear?

My Indian friend’s marriage was arranged.  I'm convinced of that.  They appear to have had the typical western love marriage, but I don't think she chose him or that he chose her.  I think they kind of bumped into each other, got stuck and were not able to prise themselves away from each other.  After awhile, family suggested that they make it 'honest' so they went to the registry office and picked up a piece of paper.  They also participated in a Nikka for the benefit of their more religious relatives. And then supposedly lived happily ever after. 

Why do I say it was arranged?  Because of my mental state at that time.  She was not capable of love.  She was living in fear - fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of being unloved, fear of never having children, and she could go on and on.  She can't really speak for her husband.  He was facing family pressure to settle down - he was approaching 40 and not married!  He probably saw her as someone he could tolerate reasonably well enough to make a lifetime commitment.  He probably felt he shouldn't mess up this opportunity as he had previous opportunities.  So they conveniently came together (by fate?) and they were too afraid to pull apart.

This is not love.  They were attracted to each other.  They told each other they loved each other.  And she is sure they believed themselves as well as each other, but it was a mask to cover their fear and their self-believed inadequacies.  Fear is not love.

She can only say this now because she now knows what love is.  To be able to speak freely to the other without fear, to be able to listen to the other with respect and regard, to want the best for the other person, even if it means you have to lose them, to give them the freedom to come and go and to appreciate the time they decide to stay.  Years ago, she released her husband from his marriage vows.  There was a good chance he would leave, but she chose to love him and not fear the outcome.  He stayed. 

At that point the arranged marriage turned into a love marriage.  And they lived happily ever after. 

Love is NOT fear.

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Ross Galán NLP Spiritual Life Coach

Spiritual LIfe Coaching School