Have YOU Tried the Third Way?

A central idea of many faiths is that it is not only useless, but counterproductive, to resist a threatening force. Resistance will only make it stronger. Yielding to a situation is often the best way to survive it - a point often emphasized in the parable of the reed that bends before the wind, while the oak tree is snapped in two. There is no such thing as an immovable object. Faced by the awesome power of nature, by the obstacles that may lie in the path of our hopes and dreams, inflexibility can be the catalyst of our own self­ sabotage.

This approach to life is explored most fully in Daoism, a philosophy that arose in China more than 2,000 years ago. Although the central expression of Daoist thought is found in the Dao De Jing, traditionally written by the sage Lao Zi, it is likely that the first Daoists were hermits, mentioned in early Chinese chronicles as ‘those who obscure themselves’. Their ideas stress the difficulty of living in a society driven by power struggles and personal ambition. According to the Dao De Jing, even a king should avoid such temptations, and should ‘act only by inactivity’, believing that the state would thrive as a matter of course, in the natural order of things, and according to what should be.

The ‘non-action’ (wu-wei) of the Daoists is not weakness or laziness, but involves doing only what is perfectly natural and spontaneous, so that whatever happens seems to happen of its own accord. The sage achieves this by merging perfectly with Dao (Way) - the eternal, active force that is the beginning and end of all things - so that it flows through him without obstacle. In this way he too becomes boundless and immortal.  He also acts, like the Dao, without assertiveness or partiality.
In common with most mystical traditions, Daoism recommends meditation to empty the mind and allow a union with the Dao that goes deeper than conscious thought: and breath control to facilitate the flow of universal energy through the body.

Desire is the chief distraction from the true path, and is usually compounded by worldly education, which tends to make us want more.  Enlightenment is a process of unlearning, and returning to a state of simplicity. Many Daoist parables preach the value of being ‘useless’ like a tree with knotted wood.

There is a phrase that neatly sums up the classic human response to a threatening situation: ‘fight or flight’. It is easy to feel, particularly in the competitive modern world, that if we do not contend with a situation, then we are, shame­fully, running away from it. Both fight and flight are actions motivated by fear.  Why is there not a third option? Why do we not stand still and face up to a situation - taking in its meaning, and then absolving ourselves of its impact?

Daoism, and the schools of philosophy and martial arts arising from it, teach this third way. According to ancient legend, the fighting and exercise system known as T'ai Chi Chuan was invented by a 12th-century recluse called Chang San Feng, after he watched a battle between a crane and a snake. During the con­test, the writhing movements of the snake made the stabbing of the crane's beak completely ineffective. The hermit saw this as proof of the dictum in verse 43 of the Uao De Ping: "The most yielding of things in the universe overcomes the most hard."

The T'ai Chi Chuan. Classics, compiled in the 19th century, elo­quently sum up the principles of the system: "One should yield at the slightest pressure, and adhere at the slightest retreat. The entire body is so sensitive that not a feather may be added without setting it in motion. The spirit is calm and the body peaceful. Be aware of the direction of the mind."

Sensitivity is more important than strength, and success comes not from mastering a set of circumstances, but from responding to them with the greatest degree of freedom, immedia­cy and spontaneity.

There is an interesting parallel to be found in the emotional health of families. Behavioural therapists have found that the families with greatest problems are those in which parents and children are either completely intransigent, or absolutely terrified of conflict, and willing to do anything to avoid it. The healthiest families live as if they are playing a game, constantly test­ing the strength and nature of their relationships, but always responding quickly and sympatheti­cally to each others' moods. The way of least resis­tance in worldly and social terms means just that - acknowledging, hearing and taking on board issues and problems, but then giving ourselves the permission and the freedom to disperse them. Emotions cannot cloud spirit when they have been set free.

There is a T'ai Chi Chitian exercise that provides a flavour of this type of free-floating sensitivity, and can also be used as a meditative aid. Sit facing a partner, quite close together. Both of you should hold out your hands, palms facing forward, and place your palms flat against your partner's. You should both begin to push back and forth, but after a time one of you (decide which before you start) should try to concentrate on following their partner's move­ments (stop resisting them), and try not to ini­tiate any of their own. In time, with luck, you will start to notice your hands swimming back and forth, apparently of their own accord. Once you have mastered the technique, as you do it close your eyes and focus on the flow of your hands.

What are the issues in your life today that you are either fighting or fleeing from? (write a short list).

What would practicing the ‘third way’ in each of these situations look like and feel like? (visualize)

Take one situation at a time and experiment with the third way this week.

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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School