Freeing Your Self From Worry

It's good to worry isn’t it?  What would life be like without a good worry?  Worry is one of those habits usually learned at an early age from parents who learned from their parents.  Worry lines are seen and heard!   Someone with a well creased forehead can be heard repeating their ‘worry mantras’, “I was worried sick….THEY are such a worry… we need to worry about this!”   Seldom do we sit and reflect on the futility of creating an imagined future and then using the images to frighten ourselves.  For that is what worry is, pure fantasy of a pending catastrophe where some form of loss is always the imagined outcome.  While we now waste huge amounts of energy as it escapes into our fast heating ecosystem, worry is possibly the greatest waste of mental energy that we release into the atmosphere of our consciousness and the environment of our relationships.  It seems very few of us realise that worry is fear and by creating and sustaining fear based mental stories of the future we make them more likely to happen.

 Not only do many of us worry our way through life but the tension and anxiety that emanates from the centre of all our worries can easily become addictive.  Instead of giving thanks for our blessings each day, it’s as if some people give thanks for their daily worries!  When it’s suggested that it may not be a positive use of time and energy, the worry addict will say, “But it’s good to worry, it’s necessary to worry, so that we can prepare for the worst”.  They can’t see how their belief that worry is a good preparation for the worst is blinding them to the truth that all worry is simply miscreation.  It is to misuse the creative capacity of our consciousness.  Some even base their personal identity on a ‘worry profile’.  “Yes I am a worrier, I have always been a worrier, I guess I must have inherited it from my parents, it’s probably in my genes!"  But it’s not possible because emotion is not genetic!  Worry is just another learned mental habit.  It can therefore be unlearned.

As a child, if we don’t assimilate the worry habit as we imitate our parents then sometime in our teenage years we will get the message that the world is full of worriers.  As the almost ‘adult teenager’ arrives home thirty minutes late, the agitated parent says, “Where have you been, you didn’t call, you know I worry about you/”  To which the teenager, fearing they will never emerge from his parents image of ‘child’ says, “But why are you always worrying about me? Stop worrying about me!”  The indignant parent, feeling their parenting skills are under attack says, “You know I worry because I care.”  Which of course is a lie.  It is a lie that most parents seem completely unaware of.  Worry is not care.  Worry is fear and care is love, and they are polar opposites. Unfortunately such insights into our ‘emotional intelligence’ were not built into our formal education.  And so it is in such intimate moments that the teenager inherits two fatal lessons – worry equals care and it’s good to worry.  Two lessons which then become a life sentence.  If they are fortunate they may learn one day that worry is both futile and selfish.  It appears to be caring, but in truth it is more often selfish because who are we really worried about whenever we worry?  We are worried about our self, about how we will feel if our worry comes true!

 Take a few moments and see if you can see the craziness of all forms of worry.  See if you can see how worry brings back to life what is dead and past, and how we then use the past to create and live in a fictional future, and as we do we miss our own life, which can only be fully experienced in the here and now. 

In the meantime here are some ways to break the worry habit.

The End of Worry

1.  This story may never happen

Whenever you notice your ‘worry thoughts’ arising, whenever you notice you are creating a ‘fantasised catastrophe’,  use this short phrase to break the mental pattern and refocus – ‘this story may never happen’.

 2.  Ask yourself that even if what you worry about did happen what would you do next?

Let’s say you worry that you are going to lose your job.  Let’s say all the evidence points towards your future being freed up!  Take a moment to visualise what you would do next.  What would be the next step, the step beyond the job you do now?  See yourself taking that step with ease while enjoying and learning from the transition to a new chapter in your life.

3.  Put all your worries on a piece of paper and then set fire to it

Write down your worries on a blank sheet and then have a ‘sacrificial fire ceremony’ as you send all your worries up in smoke.

4.  See worry as paying interest on a debt that you have not yet incurred

Watch how your worrying is draining you.  The thoughts are sucking away your life energy.  It’s like a debt collector calling to collect on a debt you do not have.  Stop paying off a non-existent debt.

5.  Remind yourself that worry is not care then ask yourself what would real care look like

To worry is to generate fear.  Worry is fear, it cannot be care, because fear is not love, and true care is ‘love in action’.  With this understanding in mind visualise what real care would look like.  Instead of sending fearful negative thoughts to the object of your worry, send empowering and loving thoughts. 

 6.  Practise visualising an ‘anastrophic’ picture instead of a catastrophic fantasy

Worry is often just an addiction to catastrophising.  So practice the positive opposite, which is ‘anastrophising’!  Sing to your self every morning the line from that famous song, “I always look on the bright side of life”.  Then check your creations throughout the day.


7.  Be honest with yourself and admit that worry is a selfish emotion
And then ‘do something’ truly selfless in the context of what or who you are worrying about.

What are the three things that you worry about most?  Which of the above seven ways might help you to break each of your three worry habits?

Worry is a way of escaping into the future in order to avoid the present moment.  What do you think you might be avoiding?  Sit quietly and reflect and see what your intuition says to you.

 Make a mental note to not join in any ‘worry conversations’ this week at work or at home.

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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual LIfe Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching