Dealing with the BIG Changes There...and therefore Here!

The idea of change is not new.  Although death and taxes may still be the two certainties in life, ‘change’ is the third!  Current events, whether they are brought to us by mass media or social media, seem to indicate both the speed and magnitude of change in our world is ‘hotting up’.  They certainly seem to fall into the ‘game changing’ category.  For some it’s hard to watch without exasperation tinged with amazement, for many it’s impossible to take in the enormity of others ‘on the ground’ experiences, even thousands of miles away,  without a sadness tinged with frustration and, for a few, regardless of magnitude and impact, they say, “Well it’s nothing new!”  A changing world has a different effect on different people.

This is because the impact of anything that changes in the world around us is not ‘felt in’ the world but within our consciousness.  Although it seems to be a collective experience thousands of miles away, it’s primarily a personal experience very close to home i.e. within our own being.   We each meet and internally process the same external ‘game changing’ events differently.  Some are briefly traumatised on behalf of others, some are just incredulous, some go into denial while others will seem to delight in recounting the events and the traumas as they unfold.  The ‘primary effects’ of any change in circumstances are not created in the world but within our perceptions and by our thoughts.  We may know this in theory but mastering it and living it, especially if it’s the kind of radical, circumstantial changes that we are all watching now, is not so easy.  After a lifetime of learning to make our success and happiness, and therefore our comfort, dependent on circumstances it means we have to change our own ‘inner game’ if we are to remain the master of our perceptions and feelings. 

So how are we to respond to such current fast moving and, for many, life changing events in so many corners of our world, almost all at once?  Do we need to prepare for such events happening ‘closer to home’?  If so what can we learn from what we see now?  How can we help those who find themselves trapped in such circumstances, way beyond what they would probably have said was their worst nightmare, without inflicting emotional suffering upon our self in the process.

Here are seven possible ways to respond to the kind of events that we see unfolding today.  Some are more useful than others, depending on your point of view.  They are not in any particular order and each is simply a signpost towards further personal reflection and insight.

1-  Don’t Identify with Others Apparent Predicament

It’s hard not to ‘identify’ with what others are going through.  We practice living vicariously when we go to the movies, then we are experts at it when ‘stuff happens’ in real life on our smaller screens at home.  But to ‘identify’ with others predicament means we suffer i.e. create the same emotional state.  This doesn’t add to the sum of happiness in the world.  It diminishes our ability to generate and give positive energy to those in our immediate vicinity AND it doesn’t help those who are actually facing and dealing with such events.  Being ‘aware of’ the predicament and the suffering of others is quite different from suffering ‘with’ others.  Being emotionally intelligent allows us to separate sympathy from empathy and that empowers us to remain stable and positive for those who are ‘going through’ the actual physical turbulence of change on the ground every day.

2-  Support from a Distance

It’s usually always possible to send some form of material help, even if it’s just in the form of hard cash.  But it’s no accident that many peoples first response to the knowledge and awareness of others suffering is to send them their prayers or good wishes or positive thoughts or encouraging messages ‘in support’.  For some this just seems to be a waste of time and of no practical use, but for many there seems to be an innate awareness that our ‘subtle’ energy reaches and empowers those in their moment of greatest need.

3-  Don’t Take Sides

When we watch unfolding events in some far off land it’s often easy to take sides.  It can trigger our beliefs and prejudices and they in turn trigger our own emotional turmoil towards people and their behaviours.  Yet we can never know the circumstances precisely and completely.  We are unlikely to be aware of the ‘karmic history’ of the events, especially between warring factions.  And we are unlikely to be aware of what’s happening invisibly in the background right now.  Equanimity from a distance seems a better way to watch from afar.  If we can add compassion for those on both sides, as both are suffering, it allows us to stay free from mentally interfering and not waste our time and energy on attempting to police such events with our judgments and our thoughts, which is only tiring and draining. 

4-  Manage Your Perceptions First

The idea that your ‘perception is your reality’ is not a new idea.  However when we are confronted by what others would describe as ‘shocking’ events we don’t have to ‘buy into’ their perception.  In fact it has been said (!) that the highest ‘spiritual intelligence’ is one where we are not shocked or surprised by anything, where we are able to maintain our own peace and stability no matter what.  It is a state we may wish for others.  It has to be possible, if not so easy, to be able to acknowledge and accept the occurrence of any event without losing the emotional plot personally!  But to do so means we will need to carefully choose our perception and not just lazily get sucked into the perceptions and judgments of others. 

 5-  Look for Lessons

Whatever seems to happen or be happening ‘out there’ will usually always carry some new learning or unlearning if we take a moment to look for it.  As we watch others in conflict, or in trauma, or faced with great loss, from a distance, who knows when or how similar circumstances may come to visit and challenge us.  Are we ready?  Am I ready?  How would I deal with such a loss of comfort, possessions, freedoms etc.?  How would I stay strong and resilient?  Quietly and yet briefly contemplating such questions is not to live darkly or even invoke such circumstances, but simply to find a deeper wisdom within oneself that may enable us to stay strong when any unpredictable adversity may arise.

 6-  Find Your True Locus of Control

There is a signal that tells us how wise or unwise we are in our way of meeting what may happen to anyone else, anywhere, anytime.   If we react emotionally to any external situation, person or event, it is a sign that we are trying to control what we can never control.  Any ‘reaction’ usually means there is some resistance and therefore an absence of acceptance and therefore a wish to control.  All events are usually in the past and more often than not involve other people, and the two things in life that cannot be controlled or changed are the past and other people.  This is probably why almost any ‘reaction’ in life, other than dodging that tiger in the jungle, is a waste of time and energy.  We seem to know this when we remember how much more effective it is to measure and create a positive ‘response’ than it is to emotionally ‘react’.  From reaction to response has to be something we can practice almost every day, almost everywhere.  The truth seems to be that we cannot control anyone or anything at any time, nor any object more then three feet away, so why do we bother trying.  Why the habit of resistant reaction?  It’s just learned and can therefore be unlearned if we so desire!

7-  Acknowledge the Reality

Reality says ‘stuff happens’, reality says the toast will fall butter side down sometimes, reality reminds us we live in a world that is not perfect and that some people do the strangest of things and that nature does what it will whenever it wants.  Cursing in the dark instead of lighting that candle is the same as arguing with reality. 

Yes all (of the above) are easy to say and write and talk, but when the reality of the kind of events that we are currently witnessing come to us it’s not so easy to act in such ways.  So in many ways we, the so far unaffected (directly at least) are blessed with the opportunity to observe, learn, prepare and practice how we may respond if ever we need to meet such events in our own physical reality.  And as we do we intuitively extend the energy of our heart felt admiration and appreciation towards those whom we watch dealing with such realities right now.  And that has to be a cool way to meet our oldest friend we call ‘change’, while quietly empowering others in their efforts to do the same.

How have you reacted/responded to recent events in the world? 

What have you learned about your self from watching such events?

What can you do to assist those who are facing such ‘game changing’ events ‘on the ground’.
- - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Lfe Coach
Spiritual Life Coaching School