Spirituality in Daily Life

Jayanti-bhen is Director of the International Centre of the Brahma Kumaris in London and is a much sort after speaker at conferences and seminars throughout the world.  She is a non governmental representative to the United Nations in Geneva for the Brahma Kumaris and has been teaching Raja Yoga for over 40 years.

I feel doubly fortunate as Cambridge has been blessed with two great speakers within the space of a week!  My brain has been exercised in attending and taking mental notes - if only I could make the simple action of remembering pen and paper!

Jayanti-bhen is a sweet sister who upon appearance is beginning to show some age (greying hair, freckles), but when you hear her voice you are reminded of the young, confident but gentle tones you hear on the meditation CDs sold in Inner Space.  Her voice has not change one bit and the listener who upon meeting her can only surmise that her outward features are a mere illusion.

Her topic, Spirituality in Daily Life, is one which is becoming increasingly popular.  With so many moving away from the mainstream religions, people are finding they still have a gap that needs filling and so they experiment with ways to fill it.  Even though this talk took place on a weekday morning, we were struggling to get enough seats for all who attended!

The Spiritual Triangle

Jayanti-bhen began by describing a model in which we have a triangle where the three points of the triangle are the self, God, and the world outside (relationships, environments, situations, karma, etc.).  If we look at the triangle from the point of the self, then God would be above (on the vertical) and the world outside would be headed outwards (on the horizontal).   When we forget about the vertical - the connection with God - then we find that in our daily lives we get into  situations where someone will say something and then we say something back, then they say 10 things, then we say 20 things, and we end up with a ping-pong game, bouncing things back and forth and not really getting anywhere. 

BUT, if we take the time to go INWARDS and first learn about the self ('Who am I?') and then UPWARDS and establish a firm relationship with God, then our view of the OUTWARDS becomes different.  We see people differently, we respond to their words and actions differently, we have a greater perspective of the world and the situations within it.

A New Perspective

She shared a story about a lady she knew who always had complaints.  She was very discontent about her situation and life in London.  She was then transferred to another area which would be considered by most to be very comfortable, but she still had complaints.  Changing the environment made no difference, the complaints stayed with her.  Then she met with an accident and had to stay in hospital for a spell.  She ended up back in London and when she visited with Jayanti-bhen, she commented on how warm and loving everyone was, and how she had a real sense of belonging.  And she couldn't understand what had changed.  Jayanti-bhen suggested that perhaps she herself had changed.  With the time off in hospital, she had no means of escaping her self and so had the time to really go within and then upwards and reconnect.  That new relationship then had an affect on all her outward relationships.

Getting to Know the Self

In getting to know the self, Jayanti-bhen suggested that we are not our gender, our race, our nationality, etc., but that we are something deeper.  The body is merely a costume, but the real self is a point of light, a child of God.  And so we have good qualities, and mixed with that are some not-so-good qualities.  Usually, the not-so-good qualities come about because we are lacking something.  We have many powers and virtues, but if there is any lack, it can cause us to become unstable.  For example, often we lack patience.  Many situations where we lose it could have been remedied with a little extra patience.  And so we practice adding extra patience to our list of powers and virtues.  And through this practice we become unshakable.

Making the Connection to the Supreme

Jayanti-bhen suggested that many who have ego (arrogance) do so to hide their insecurities.  She recounted meeting someone who constantly talked of his achievements and was very puffed up.  And through their dialog, she sensed his insecurities.  When we have no connection with God, we are alone.  We are responsible for our own successes and we cannot rely on help from anyone.  In this position we are very insecure and, therefore, unstable.  And so we have to continually puff ourselves up and make ourselves look bigger in order to protect ourselves.  But it requires a lot of energy.  When we make the connection with God, we receive His help in all things.  We no longer have to worry about what will happen in the drama because we know that whatever happens, we are secure in who we are and who our help is.  We stand in a place of security.  From a place of security, we then make decisions and interactions that are beneficial and not because we have something to protect – i.e. our self!

A Sense of Belonging

Another aspect of making a connection with God is the relationship we build.  When we have such a relationship, there is a strong sense of belonging.  In today's world, everyone operates as an isolated unit.  Some of the more fortunate will have family nearby and that will give them a sense of belonging.  But with everyone being dispersed around the globe, even families are finding it difficult to stay together.  People are losing that much needed 'sense of belonging'.  But the relationship we create with God is an eternal one.  It is not limited to location or life expectancies, it is limitless.  And when you form such a relationship, you then begin to realise that, not only are you a child of God, but everyone is.  Your outwardly relationships change as you realise that we are all part of the same family.  We all have a oneness to share and this creates a strong sense of belonging. 

Finally...
Jayanti-bhen's talk was well received.  Many had profound experiences during the meditations dotted through her talk.  One woman shared that she had been making effort in 'letting go and moving on'.  Only she was spending so much time 'letting go', that she never got around to 'moving on'.  During the talk, she realised that she just needs to 'move on' and the letting go will happen automatically.  Another confessed to being annoyed when she heard noise interrupting the meditations, but then she remembered Jayanti-bhen suggesting trying a little extra patience, and the annoyance went away immediately.

I've seen her speak many times.  Jayanti-bhen has the gift of making you feel special and capable of anything.  Many are amazed by her wisdom - I've grown used to it and now expect it.  ;-)  But I also realise that this wisdom comes from her 40 years of effort in creating that upward link and using the results in a practical way.
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Feeling Guilty

John, that crazy guy who lives in the woods, suggested that a group of us try doing a blog a day for the month of February.  So, I've been practising by doing a blog a day this past week, even though it's not February until tomorrow.  Today I sat down to write a blog and was feeling a bit 'out-of-material', so I thought I'd see what was on my google for some inspiration.  The first thing I noticed was my dozen or so overdue tasks.  Then I saw the Real Simple, Tip of the Day - How to Stop Feeling Guilty.  So, I clicked on the 'How to Stop Feeling Guilty' link and it returned 'Information temporarily unavailable.' 
So, now what?  I fixed myself some porridge, came back to the link, and it was up - so I had a good read. 

I had pretty much stopped feeling guilty about stuff just before Chrlie was born.  However, fatherhood is fraught with guilt.  And if any fathers are out there feeling guilty about anything, please message me and I will tell you my potty training story - the moral of which is don't listen to any one person for advice - either listen to them all and choose what fits for you and stick with it or don't listen to any.  I don't know if I was traumatized during potty training as a child, but I certainly was as an adult!  But I digress.

Those 12 things sitting in my overdue list niggle at me regularly, even as I write.  Some are very small things and might even be things I just haven't got round to crossing off.  Others will take time as will the things set on today's list.  So I really haven't got time for blogging.

So what guilts have we got in this blog?

1.  Guilt if I don't do the blog because of my own expectations of blogging one a day.
2.  Guilt of not having a sensible topic.
3.  Guilt of having 12 overdue items on my “to do” list.
4. Guilt of spending time blogging when I have 12 overdue items.
5.  Past guilt of possibly causing trauma to my child during potty training.
6.  Guilt of bringing up past potty training issues.
7.  Guilt of having a blog of little or no substance.

I'll stop there.  Seven is a nice number.  Anymore and I'd have to feel guilty about not ending on a nice number!

If you want the profession's opinion on how to stop feeling guilty follow this link:

How to Stop Feeling Guilty

Otherwise, remember, past is past.  First, check, are you making too big of a deal about your guilt?  Where does it fit in the grand scheme of things?  Are you using guilt to draw attention to yourself?  Second, if you can make amends for whatever it was you did or didn't do and it makes sense to do so, then do it - clean up any mess you've left behind.  Thirdly, put it in the past where it belongs, move on, and work at build-ing strong relationships and keeping your future actions and words clean.  If you can honestly say that you have done all three things, then it is finished - you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

The Trouble With (All Types of) Relationships

I've noticed a little something within myself that makes me think about relationships and how they come about.  If the ideal of love is that it's unconditional, then we fall far short of that when we choose a single partner to spend our lives with.  Love is no longer unconditional, but based on the attraction to that one.  Otherwise, it wouldn't matter who we paired up with - it might as well be arranged.  ;-)

I've been examining my own attraction to others - first I'm impressed by a skill, talent, virtue, etc (something that I probably lack myself), then I'm pulled to that person (wanting to have the thing they have that I haven't got), then I look for ways to be with that person, and once I've had my fill, I back off and move onto the next person.  To be so fickle in my devotion seems hardly sensible.
The first problem I see is the impression.  I get impressed by something in the other person.  Why do I get impressed?  If it's a virtue that someone has that I feel I lack, then the solution is to emerge that virtue myself.  This is something anyone can do - watch someone who has a specific virtue, then copy or model them (this is called Modelling in NLP) and eventually that virtue will be natural within you as well.  If it's a talent that I admire, then that might not be so easy for me to emerge.  I doubt I will ever have a fine singing voice.  However, because a person possesses a natural talent, is this reason to be impressed?  Ok, they may have worked on it and refined it - good for them, but are they extraordinary for having done this?  I also refine my talents, so what would make them more extraordinary than me?  And who gave them the talent?  Does opposites attract? It is for the mere purpose of creating a whole from two halves.  Instead of making the effort to make ourselves whole, we look to someone else to accomplish that task.  In this case, we become dependent on the other and we make them dependent on us.  Does it make sense that I am impressed with the receiver of the talent, but not the giver? The next problem is the attraction. Through attraction I become attached. My thoughts constantly go towards the object of my attraction. The problem here is that things that DO require my attention get less of it because I'm constantly pulled towards another. My thoughts and my time are used to fulfil these temporary desires rather than focus-ing on my lifelong aim. Attraction then merely becomes distraction. Both are actions of the mind.  Finally, there is a problem if what I am doing is trying to find wholeness. I've heard people say, 'I don't feel we can be complete without another.' Can't we really? If I were single and someone told me I'm only half a person (or even half of a whole), I would be terribly insulted. Which is why, perhaps (we dread being single) we are desperately looking for our 'better' half which will (not always) turn into our 'worse' or the 'worst' half ever. If that half turns like this then our relationship becomes sour and stale and it stinks; thus, living together is unbearable. Why do you think there are so many separations and divorces happening? If the adage is true that  a temporary relationship is..., this is fatal, as we invest all our years to encourage this depend-ency and then one of us dies.  Where does that leave the other one/'half'?  Often following just 3 months behind. 
Are there any good relationships?  Yes, the eternal ones!  The relationship with God (who/wahtever you call this Energy, this Higher Consciousness...) and with the godly family.  When we cultivate a relationship with God, we become the recipient of unconditional love, and when we build relationships with the vision that each one we meet is a child of the same God, then we deliver unconditional love.  We find our own completeness and wholeness in God and then we can help others to find theirs.  And this is my (the) definition of a healthy relationship. Have you found another definition? I haven't!
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Tired And Overwhelmed

I’m tired.  And overwhelmed.  I look around me and see dirty dishes and clutter.  I want to give this house a top to toe clean, but there’s so much tidying to do first.  I’m exhausted before I start.  It’s funny, because when I’m out of the house thinking about it, I feel a lot of zeal and enthusiasm for going through the house like a whirlwind, putting everything in it’s place and giving everything a good wipe down.  But as soon as I walk in the door, I just want to collapse. 
That’s the first phase.  The second phase is me thinking I need some energy to tackle this task.  So I have a snack.  I always choose something healthy, but then it never feels like enough, so I have another.  And another.  I soon run out of healthy snacks and I move onto the not so healthy.  An hour later my sugar levels are dropping, which leads me to phase 3 - the nap. 

A nap during the week is usually only 1/2 hour, but on the weekends can stretch to a few hours.  If you add that all up, it’s a lot of time wasted (and a lot of pounds accumulated!). 

So why am I writing all this?  Because I want to stop this nonsense and I plan to take you all with me!  If you suffer from the same symptoms, they I challenge you to make the change with me.  If you don’t, then I ask you to support those of us who do. 

So here is my pledge:

1.  Instead of eating, I’m going to drink water - except at meal times.  Meal times are not to exceed 1/2 hour for eating and 1/2 for resting. 

2.  For energy and renewed zeal and enthusiasm I’m going to sit for 5-10 minutes in silence before I start and remember that I’m a powerful soul who is master of my organs.  I’ll remember that this is a game and although life keeps dishing out clutter, I’m a powerful clutter buster.  That I can run a shipshape household and encourage others in the household to do their part. 

3.  Instead of judging myself as I go along, I’m going consider myself a guest. For example, I’ll pretend that I’m visiting my twin sister, who is going through a hectic time at the moment, who needs help getting her house in order, and I’ve come to give her house a quick blitz before she gets back.  Aren’t I a loving sister?  ;-)

4.  To make each task easy, I’m going to make it fun and to do each task with a lot of love.

5.  If I start to feel overwhelmed or I feel the urge to eat, I’m going to come back to this blog and remind myself of this pledge.

6.  And if this works, I’m going to write it up in a nice font with lovely graphics and send it to as many people as I know.

If anyone else wants to try this out, I’d be interested in your feedback.  If you have your own set of tips, I’d be interested in hearing those. 

OK, I’ve had my glass of water.  I’m off to have some silence now. 
- - - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Giving up ego - Living an Egoless Life... Not an easy job, but it's possible

For Lent I set out to give up ego (arrogance).  I know many teachers on the subject and so I have received lots of help and advice.  However, I do find myself talking about myself and writing about myself - all the time!  When sharing what I understand of Raja Yoga, I find it helpful to relate to it using personal experience.  I also enjoy learning by hearing of others’ personal experiences.  So there is this challenge of using the self’s experience as a teaching tool without pumping oneself up or putting oneself in the limelight.  I think this falls under the definition of unlimited renunciation - that is to renounce completely, but to still use in a worthwhile way.
I can’t honestly say I’ve achieved this.  I know the methods - there are several.  But it requires discipline to actually imbibe this and make it natural.  Then there is the contstant checking - do I become prideful when praised or sorrowful/angry when insulted?  Do I have expectations of receiving respect or recognition?
There is one more week of Lent.  Time to make intense effort.  Watch this space, and, if all goes well, ’I’ will disappear!)

UPDATE:  I had received a message from my mother.  She said she couldn’t see my profile.  She uses MS Explorer.  So I looked at the profile using Explorer - I had completely disappeared!  Yay!  I did it!  But it’s not much help when I refer people to the profile and they can’t view it.  I’ve updated the profile so that it is now visible in Explorer.  Apologies for any inconvenience caused.
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

How to get the optimal experience of anything...

Just a theory I'm working on, but it was suggested in class to have reverence (or if you don't like that word, try respect) for all that you do. 
For example, I wake in the morning, I go to class.  I have two options.  I can go to class tired, yawning, nodding my way through (not in agreement, but in doziness) and let the words go in one ear and out the other.  Or I can sit with concentration, absorb the lesson, drink in the words, mull over the thoughts presented, participate in discussion, etc.  I think you see the contrast.  In the first option, what do I gain?  Merely a tick against my name to say I was there.  In the second option, the gain is unlimited.  Not only does my enjoyment of the class increase, but the practicality of the lesson becomes firm and I can take great benefit from that.  And I leave satisfied and fulfilled.
Same goes for eating, working, house cleaning, etc.  If a task is so important that you decide to do it, you may as well do it properly, with reverence, and get the very best experience out of doing it .

- - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Right brain (Right Hemisphere) vs Left brain (Left Hemisphere) - which do I use and when?

 
I saw a video recently (which I will try to embed below) of a brain re-searcher having a stroke and experiencing the complete meltdown of her left brain.  She was able to recount everything with explanations and humour - very interesting. 

But what came out of it was that left brain works serially - it uses logic and order.  It organises and categorises, etc.  The right brain works in parallel mode - many things can happen at once, it doesn't require order or logic, it just pulls the collective together and makes sense of it all.  Watch the video - you will understand the contrast.

After seeing the video, I started making all these associations with what the left brain should do and what the right brain should do, and wonder-ing how to put both to the best use.  I suspect that most of us have well developed left brains and underdeveloped (or underused) right brains which would explain why there are more right handed people than left.  I feel I'm particularly left brained, especially having chosen Math, Phy-sics and Computer Ccience as my fields of study.  It's no wonder I ended up in Cambridge, home of Stephen Hawking. 
Now, that may seem like boasting, but I find it a real weakness.  I have an underused right brain.  I'm extremely lopsided and wish to address this balance (and this is probably the sort of thing a left-brained person would say).  I have a contact in South Africa (the heart land).  After se-veral conversations with him, I suspect that they are more right brain there.  And my artist friend I suspect is right brained - I often don't sus-follow her logic!  I had always put it down to having an artist mind, but I pect she's using her right brain. And if she IS using her right brain, then there is no logic to follow!

So, how does one develop the right brain?  Do I start writing left-handed?  Are there certain puzzles or exercises I can do?  Is my strategy for becoming more right brained merely another left-brain exercise?
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

You Could Be Free From Worry If You Wish To

May you be free from worry and experience the Father's power as His help and be free from any type of thoughts.

Worry IS a choice!

That was the blessing from today's class.  It really struck a chord with me.  Baba (Heavenly Father) says to be a carefree emperor, but how well do we carry that out?  With thoughts of why did this happen? and why did it happy now?  or how will we make this happen?  when will it happen?  what will happen next?  All these questions run around our heads leaving no space for positive pure thoughts.  These questions show a lack of faith - faith in drama, faith in God.  If our faith was firm, would we be having such questions? 

Let's look at an example of air travel.  When you travel by plane, you get your ticket, then you follow the instructions at check in - 'Please pass through security, then make your way to your gate which is listed on your boarding pass.  Please be there by [such & such] a time ready for boarding.  Enjoy your flight.

So, you follow the directions, you board the plane and you then follow more instructions having to do with safety.  You don't begin wondering, how will the plane get off the ground? how will my luggage get loaded? why are they going through safety instructions?  will we make it to our destination?

We have faith in the airline to get us to our destination in a timely manner or as soon as possible during extenuating circumstances.  If we didn't have faith, we wouldn't be shelling out our hard earned dosh for the tickets in the first place (and/or risking our lives)! 

So, why do we have such difficulty having faith in God (the all-powerful) but we so easily put our faith in airlines (the-slightly-less-than-all-powerful)?  Next time you have a worry thought, take a couple minutes out to ponder this.  Just remember who you are (the soul), who you belong to (the Father) and who is in control (the all-powerful Father).

Where there are pure thoughts, there cannot be any worries.
- - - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

God Does Exist vs. He/She/It Doesn’t

I've come to a point where a theme such as 'God' is quite 'difficult' to deal with, considering there are loads and loads of people worldwide who seem to be uneasy upon hearing the word 'God' (or religion or spiritual/ity/Spirit). Here, use any word that fits into your belief or disbelief of the existence of 'God'. You may, if you will, use Higher Consciousness, Heart, Energy, Supreme Being, Vital Force... ANYTHING, so long you feel comfortable with it! OK?

Recently, someone left me a message stating that my spirituality is not true spirituality, it's just the latest trend - or something to that effect.  At first I was tempted and wanted to say, "Well, actually, ..." and head into an argument of why I felt he was wrong.  But everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and any amount of arguing I did would probably not change his mind.  To enter into debate would be a waste of time for both of us.  And my faith does not promote wasting time, but using everything in a worthwhile way. 

And besides, he may be right.  It's a fairly new faith - about 70 years old.  But after 4 years of scrutinizing Brahma Kumaris, I cannot find any inconsistencies, I cannot find anything that 'doesn't fit'.  So, I'm happy with it and intend to stay on this path.  And I don't feel the need to defend my decision.
But I see all these blogs in the religion and philosophy section arguing for or against the existence of God.  And it makes me wonder:

1.  Why is it that people feel it's so important to defend 'their' position?  Are they so doubtful that they have to keep re-iterating their arguments to convince themselves?

2.  Do they really believe that their argument is going to convert anyone to their side?  Do they really believe their arguments are infallible when even the greatest thinkers have not been able to prove one way or the other?

3.  Do Christians really believe that quoting the Bible proves the existence of God to those who don't believe in the Bible in the first place? 
4.  Do Atheists really believe that their arguments which are based on the Christian understanding of God still hold when speaking to those of other-than-Christian faiths?

God does not need my arguments to defend him.  He only requests that I live my life according to His example, because He knows, actions speak louder than words.
- - - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

How a small sacrifice leads to huge rewards...
 
I've got a major 'Degree' in “to do” list person.  I have lots of lists.  I have lists of lists.  And they are long.  Typical Aries - good at starting projects, but never finishes.

As I work through a list, I first tackle the items that are urgent with im- mediate deadlines.  I then go after the items that I can finish easily and quickly.  I get a real buzz out of ticking off an item - and when I do a lot of these, it looks like I've accomplished a lot.  Occasionally, I will go after those items that I don't want to do, only because I know I should.  And very occasionally, I'll work on the items that I've been wanting to do for the past few years, but never got to them because the above items were not yet complete, but only now have decided to do them regardless.

Now, there's a problem with the order in which I tackle these tasks as any good time-management instructor will tell you.  I'm completing the urgent and easy-to-do items first, rather than spending any time of the life-changing big items.  I'm going after the immediate small pay-off (the little buzz I get when I check off an item) rather than investing in the big long-term rewards (those life changing items).  In financial terms, it means that I'm going after lots of pennies rather than the million dollar prize. 

Most of us are doing the same!  Instead of going after our true aims, we waste away our time busying ourselves with petty things.  It gives us an excuse for not making any real effort towards our goals - "Oh, I didn't have time to go to the save-the-world rally.  I was busy knitting a pink sweater for my pooch."
So check, are you making time in your day for the big stuff with the big rewards?  Is any of your time being wasted on small stuff?  Are you making any excuses?

As we simplify our lives and begin working on the big stuff, we start to see the return and we begin to get the pay off.  But you have to sacrifice the small payoffs first.  Are you willing to do that?
- - - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Are We Really Listening or Just Reacting? - Even Worse, Hearing!

 
I was involved in a 'group discussion' - I like to call them pow wow's - other's like to call them group hugs.  We were discussing how to make a more caring environment.  It was strange.  The discussion was taking place with my spiritual family - the same family that has looked after me and nurtured me over the last eight years.  And words like back-stabb-bing and needing trust and gossip were all coming up.  I felt so naive.  Are there that many problems in THIS family?  I always felt comfortable and loved and looked after - I hadn't experienced any of these negative things.  I must be the baby whom everyone protects!

I then came home and switched on RossSpiritualLifeCoaching School blog.  And all the things that were talked about in the discussion reared it's ugly head on RossSpiritualLifeCoaching School blog.  Yup, it all happens here. 

The thing is, families are families whether physical, spiritual or virtual.  And families are made up of imperfect humans.  And imperfect humans make mistakes.  Lots of mistakes. 

I sometimes see reactions or hear about reactions to things and I think if this person were truly listening or understanding what was being said, they would realise that the person saying it is not a bad person and that the person saying it has good intention - not bad.  Sometimes people say things without thinking - but that doesn't mean they're hurtful - it just means they're flexible - they can put their foot in their mouth! 

If someone makes a mistake (says or does something hurtful) then re-acting badly to that mistake only makes the problem worse.  Instead, just listen.  Is the person really trying to hurt you?  And if you believe they really are, is it really worth taking sorrow from them? 

In Raja Yoga we say, "Take only happiness (blessings); give only hap-piness (blessings)."  Anything else is just rubbish.  And who wants any more rubbish? There are loads and loads of them everywhere: in and around us.  Don't take someone else's rubbish (bad feelings) - only take happiness and blessings (the jewels). 
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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

More on Listening

Just listen...

When I was growing up, I was happy to play on my own.  I would make up friends to have conversations with and to play with.  So when it came to the bit at the retreats where we were supposed to be silent, I felt I had an edge.  I like silence.
Good old Ego.  Ego makes me believe that being content on my own makes me good at being silent.  But being alone and being silent are not the same.  If I'm to be truthful, I find it difficult to be silent.  Noiseless, no problem.  I know where every squeaky floorboard is and how to avoid them.  But silence?
Ego likes to draw attention to itself.  Even when I take time out to sit with God my mind races.  "God, this is what I achieved today.  But I'm still struggling with this.  What should I do about this?  And what should I work on next?  Should I bother Nayne about the plane tickets?  I haven't even packed yet.  And I must remember to write up that list of things not to forget..."   Perhaps I should pay God for His advice.  If I did, I might just take the time to listen to it!

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Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Who’s Listening? - Actively Listening?

This morning during meditation, it occurred to me that how we listen to others determines how much sorrow we take.  It can also lead to miscommunication.

Take for example if someone said to me, 'You should let your daughter eat meat,' I could take this in several ways depending what filter I use:

1.  If I'm listening as a Mum, I might think, 'This person should mind

     their own business and let me raise my child as I see fit.'

2.  If I'm listening as a vegetarian, I might think, 'This person is stuck in

     the belief that meat is necessary in a child's diet.'

3.  If I'm listening as someone who thinks they know everything, I

     might think, 'This person is an idiot.'

4.  If I'm listening as an animal rights activist, I might think that I

     should take down this person's address so I can use their house for

     paint ball target practice.
Likewise, the filter can be my preconceived ideas about the person speaking the statement.  For example:

1.  If my brother were to say this, I might think, 'He's just winding me

     up.  And it's working.'

2.  If my mother were to say this, I might think, 'Wow, she doesn't

     usually tell me what to do.  She must feel really strongly about this.'

3.  If my husband were to say this, I might think, 'Yeah, I know, I heard

     you the first 400 times.'

4.  If another vegetarian were to say this, I might think, 'Um, this is

     weird.  Is this a dream?'  And I might freak out a little.

The problem is, these filters get in the way of proper communication.  We don't bother to ask why the person said what they did, we just assume we know why and then react to it, oftentimes badly. 

If I drop the filters and I listen without preconceptions, then I would think: 'This person has an opinion, strong enough to state it.  I should consider it, perhaps ask more about it, and then take the best action once I've considered the options.'

In this way, communication works.  Messages get delivered.  No sorrow is exchanged, just honest feedback and comment.

- - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

Love, Love, Love

The Beatles used to sing...

All you need is love,
All you need is love,
All you need is love, love,
Love is all you need.

I'm having one of my intoxicated moments and so I thought it was a good time to blog.  

Yesterday we arrived home from Baltimore.  Hana was so excited about seeing her Daddy she could barely sleep on the plane, and then slept for several hours after we got home!  She's sleeping now as I write having not quite acclimated herself to BST.

She clearly loves her father - and if you need proof, you only need look at his well worn cheeks where she was kissing him all last evening! Speaking of love, I was introduced to a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  In the book, the author suggests that different people respond to different love languages.  The five languages roughly are:

1. Touch

2. Positive affirmations

3. Quality time

4. Service

5. Gifts

Some of us feel loved when we receive lots of hugs, kisses, literal pats on the back.  Some feel loved when receiving positive affirmations.  And so on.  There is a questionnaire in the back to help you determine your love language - that is, which love language has meaning for you. 
My mother answered the questions with predictable results (if you know her well).  But looking at her results and comparing them to mine (I res-pond well to being served - lol) I discovered something.

Ten years ago, had I taken the questionnaire, I would have had results like my mother's.  But I had just started a relationship with my current husband.  There was some frustration in our relationship.  Although we were attracted to each other, he wasn't much into public displays of affection or free with compliments (you had to earn a compliment!) - things which I craved.  But he did show his love in service.  He would do things for me without my asking.  Or if I asked him to do something that I could have just as well easily done myself, he would do it selflessly and without complaint.  He was always helpful, encouraging, etc.  Even this morning, I overslept and he woke up in order to remind me the time.

Over the years, I learned to appreciate this different affirmation of love, and then the hand holding and hugs and compliments were no longer necessary.  In fact, they seemed more shallow to me as time wore on.  And I then learned to show love to him through service.  You could say I learned a new language. 
I feel very fortunate in this.  Not only has it created a lovely harmony in our household, but it has created a deeper appreciation of my relation-ship with God.  God, who does not have a physical form for me to touch, a hand for which I can hold, expresses His love for me through service and I can express my love for Him also through service.

And this book points out another way I can deepen my relationship with God - with quality time such as silent meditation.

Incidentally, in Raja Yoga, God speaks to us using ALL FIVE love languages.  For example:

1.        Touch - God calls us to rest in his lap or hold onto his finger

2.        Positive affirmations - He calls us His sweet, sweet children, those with the sparkle of fortune on their foreheads, and a whole host of other positive wonderful things.

3.        Quality time - He is constantly encouraging us to spend time in yoga (connection) with Him.  He values service, but He values this more.

4. Service - He is constantly serving His children, giving us encouragement and hope, explaining to us how we can fulfill our aims, teaching us how to teach and serve others.

4.        Gifts - He gives us the promise of an inheritance, He gives us powers, He gives us blessings.

5.        Have a great weekend everyone and may you learn a new language today - that is, a new love language. 

 - - - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

The Problem With Gravity

 
Here's a funny yet endearing little story that was sent to me recently.  You must have sent this already. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Philip is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'
He was a natural motivator.  If an employee was having a bad day, Philip was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. 
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!  You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'
He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood, I choose to be in a good mood.  Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.  Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.'

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.  You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.  After about 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. 

I saw him about six months after the accident.  When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?'
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.  'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.
He continued, '..the paramedics were great.  They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man". I knew I needed to take action.'
'What did you do?' I asked. 

'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes," I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity".  Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." '

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
- - - - -
Ross Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spiritual Life Coaching School

The Power of Words

 
Dragon Ka-Tet responded to my blog called 'Love Love Love' with the following question.  I thought it was a great question, and my response was getting a bit long and so I decided to answer here.  I hope that is ok, dragon Ka-tet?
You mentioned that you would have probably answered the question-naire differently in the past. Do you think that aside from learning a new 'love language' that people also possibly change their basic languages? In other words, do you think that as people grow in life (and love) that they shift the "main" language they use or is it more ingrained in their personalities than that?

Yes, I do think people change their languages as they grow.  Some knowledge requires learning new jargon in order to put concepts into words, and so these new words get adopted into the 'native' language. 

But also just a shift in vocabulary occurs as we change our thinking patterns.  My choice of words is a lot more positive than in the past.  Now, if I say something really negative (due to habit) it sounds really awkward! 

Just as words change when our thoughts change, one can also change how they think by changing their words!  Positive affirmations work this way  - if you positively state something, that you don't really believe, often enough, you will begin to believe it.  Words become a powerful tool to change our thought habits. 

For example, when my daughter was born, one tip I received was to not use the word 'don't'.  Children don't hear 'don't', they only hear what comes after it.  So if I say, 'Don't run into the road,' she's more likely to run into the road than not.  If I replace that with 'Stay on the sidewalk,' she's more likely to stay out of the road. 

This shift in language (which was not easy!) did not just create better communication with my daughter, but if made me view the situations differently.  Instead of thinking, 'My daughter is doing something wrong and needs correction,' I learned to think, 'My daughter needs guidance to more appropriate action.'  It's a subtle difference, but has a big impact.  

The shift in language was difficult because my thoughts had not yet made the shift.  But with some applied effort, and attention to the language I used around my daughter, I was eventually able to make that shift so that thoughts matched words.

- - - - -
Roass Galán, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
at the Spirituual Life Coaching School